While I didn’t get to spend this Sunday with my mom, I did sneak in a visit the weekend before and we celebrated a bit early. But what did we spend all weekend doing? Packing up my wedding gifts that have taken over her house, going to the mall on a wild goose hunt for a watch for me, and going out for dinner at my favorite restaurant. In a strange way, I guess it was a fitting celebration of a mother — someone who always puts you ahead of herself, and who spends her time helping you out, without even thinking of what she may prefer to be doing.
So this weekend, I got to thinking: When is that point when you realize your mom is more than just a mom? That she was once your age, in more or less your shoes, faced with so many choices, with wishes and dreams all her own? When maybe she did things like this with her own mom?
Getting married has made me reconsider how I see my mom. Not only do I realize that “wife” is a significant, effort-intensive and life-changing role of its own, but I’ve also realized more and more that my mom isn’t perfect. I think that (if we’re lucky) we internalize the things our parents do and believe as the right way. But now I’m often confronted with a husband who has an opinion or a way of doing things that is different, and it was like something inside me opened and realized it wasn’t wrong, just not the same. Our parents made choices that they thought were best, fell into a rhythm that made sense for their families and showcased the traits they wanted to be sure to pass on — and now it’s my turn. It’s like a new realization of how human my mom is, how she must have faced the same things that I am facing now and chose what to give up and what to pursue.
I feel it in our conversations, too, that we’re transitioning more from a parent-child relationship to more of a woman-to-woman. All of a sudden I’ve realize there is so much more to learn from her, now that I can see the nooks and crannies of life that open up when you join yourself to another and think about becoming a mom yourself one day (somewhat) soon. I am starting to connect with her in a different way — while she has always been my best friend, maybe now is the time for me to be hers. To ask her more about her day and how she’s feeling. To start to help her do her own chores and shopping when I visit for the weekend. It’s a strange sort of in between land, these mid-twenties.
I’m thankful and blessed to have mom that’s supported and loved me more than I deserve. She’s always always been the perfect mom in my eyes. I’m just starting to realize what that must take.
How was your weekend? Does anyone else find their relationship with their mom keeps changing?